Welcome to College
by Schnabeltiermann
Summary: It's Phineas's first day in college and he rubs one of his professors the wrong way. Why is he so mean to his students? Will Phineas survive his first year of college? Read to find out!
1. Professor Lynch

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! The last time I posted anything on this site was in March. I started another story based on one of my own experiences, but I got distracted by the end of the school year and a month-long vacation in Summer, but I'm back! This isn't the story I was working on before: that one it going to take a long time to write. This is just an idea I while writing the other one. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas nor Ferb. Professor Lynch is my idea, however.**

**P.S. For the math to work out in chapter two, It's the year 2012 and Phineas and Ferb are 18, meaning they were born in 1994.  
**

* * *

"Mister Flynn! What do you think you are doing?"

It was Professor Lynch, Phineas's physics instructor. Today was Phineas's first day at Tri-state Polytechnic, the most exclusive private engineering school in the tri-state area, and it was his last class of the day. He and Ferb had signed up for all of the same classes, and sat next to each other in every class—except this one. They had physics at the same time, but with different teachers.

The physics program at Tri-state Polytechnic, TP for short, had several professors, all with physics-related doctorates, but Phineas and Ferb had managed to get the only two TP professors with another doctorate: one had a doctorate in art appreciation, while the other had a doctorate in applied mathematics. One would encourage his students to think outside the box and come up with creative solutions to modern problems, while the other would forced his students to memorize equations by rote and regurgitate it on the test. One loved teaching young adults new things, while the other loved strangling good grades out of whomever found themselves in his lecture hall.

Guess which one was Professor Lynch.

"Mister Flynn! I repeat: what do you think you are doing?"

Phineas looked up from his notebook and replied, "I'm taking notes like you told us to, Mister-"

"Mister Flynn! I thought I specifically said that I will be addressed as _Professor _Lynch. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Professor Lynch," Phineas grumbled. Everyone else in the class averted their eyes from the exchange.

"Now," Professor Lynch continued, "You said that you were taking notes. I see notes, but what are all those other things?"

Phineas perked up. "These are my designs for a cheap and efficient way to launch spacecrafts into orbit. It uses magne-"

Professor Lynch interrupted, "Mister Flynn! You have such a wonderful imagination."

Phineas smiled. The rest of the class was silently shocked at the compliment.

Professor Lynch continued, "That is a detestable quality in my classroom. You call those drawings 'designs,' your classmates might call them 'doodles,' but I call them 'distractions,' and they are not to be seen in my classroom. Now give me your paper."

Phineas reluctantly did as he was told. The class gasped as Professor Lynch quickly proceeded to tear Phineas's notes in half. He then leaned in close to Phineas and warned, "No more distractions, understand?"

Phineas slumped at his desk. "Yes, sir."

"Oh, Mister Flynn, you will not receive any participation points today, and will have a fifty percent reduction on all participation points for the semester."

"Wait!" Phineas exclaimed, "That means that even if I do everything else perfectly this semester, the best I can get is a D+! That's not fair at all!"

The class began murmuring at the fact that a student had just stood up to Professor Lynch.

Professor Lynch just laughed at Phineas's remark. "I decide what is fair and what is not! Perhaps you would like a further reduction in participation points, hmm?"

Feeling defeated, Phineas backed down, said, "No, sir," and pulled out another sheet of paper to begin writing new notes.

Professor Lynch smirked. "Remember this, Mister Flynn: this is my classroom, and I make the rules." He then walked back to the front of the class. Everyone fell silent.

Suddenly, Phineas had an idea. "Professor Lynch!" he called. The whole class stiffened at the thought of another fight, but before anyone could speak, Phineas proposed, "If I make my design a reality by this Saturday at noon, will you come see it?"

Professor Lynch roared with laughter and smugly said, "Mister Flynn, if you make your design a reality, I will most definitely come see it, and you will get an A for the semester. But when you cannot do the impossible by Saturday—and you won't—you will fail my class and be removed from this school. Deal?" Professor Lynch crossed his arms and waited for the student's inevitable surren-

"Deal."

The whole class was in complete shock. Most of them had come from outside of Danville and had never heard of Phineas Flynn, but some of the others tried to explain some of his and his brother's impossible feats.

"They built a roller coaster in a day!"

"A beach in their backyard!"

"Traveled through time! Twice!"

"A rocket!"

"THEY BUILT A BOWLING BALL!"

Everyone in the class stopped and stared at the person who had just yelled that.

"What?" she said, "It was really big and you could ride in it."

"Silence!" Professor Lynch yelled as he turned to face Phineas. "Very well, Mister Flynn, I will see you on Saturday around noon."

"Great," Phineas said, completely confident now, "And lunch is on me."

Just then, the bell rang, and Professor Lynch announced, "Class dismissed!" but before anyone could leave, he added, "Mister Flynn, stay put."

Everyone quickly scurried out of the room, relieved to have survived the first day of Professor Lynch's lecture. Some even shot Phineas a nervous glance as they left.

After everyone was gone, Professor Lynch started, "Mister Flynn, I have been teaching for many, many years, and I have never met a student with grades like yours who would make such a stupid deal. The endeavor you have begun is absolutely impossible, and I think we both know that. However, because your test scores and high school grades are the highest of all of my incoming freshmen, I will give you one more chance to step down, with no reduction in participation points for the semester. Do you accept?"

Without hesitation, Phineas replied, "No thank you, sir. I will show you what can be done with a little technical know-how and a lot of imagination."

Professor Lynch frowned. "You had better not be pulling my leg, boy, or I will not hesitate to get you expelled from this school."

Phineas smiled broadly. "I understand, sir, but I promise that you will not be disappointed on Saturday. Now, are you okay with chicken for lunch?"

Professor Lynch sighed. "That will be fine, Mister Flynn. You are dismissed."

"Okay, bye!" With that, Phineas waved good-bye and left the building.

* * *

**Author's Note: So what did you guys think? Review please!**


	2. The Plan

**Author's Note: This is the chapter where it's significant that it's 2012. You'll all see why. Enjoy!**

* * *

Phineas, after riding the city bus to his and his brother's off-campus apartment, found that Ferb was already sitting at the dining table, making a shopping list of things he would need for his classes.

"How did you beat me?" Phineas asked.

"I rode my bike. There is a bike path that runs directly from Tri-state Polytechnic to our street," Ferb replied.

Phineas smacked his forehead with sudden remembrance. "Oh, that's right. That's why we looked for an apartment in this building to begin with. I guess I shouldn't have left my bike at our parents' house, huh?"

Ferb nodded his head in agreement and continued to write down the supplies he would need.

Phineas, figuring now would be a good time to tell Ferb about his deal with Professor Lynch, suggested, "Ferb, you may want to add a few dozen industrial-grade electromagnets to the list."

Ferb paused, looked up at Phineas with subtle amusement, and patiently waited for the explanation. Phineas explained what had happened between him and his professor in his physic class, and explained why they now needed to build an electromagnetic horizontal launching rail and a launch vehicle to go with it on Saturday morning. The whole time, Ferb shook his head in disbelief.

"So," Phineas summarized, "Just to make it clear: I am not doing this just to get my grade back; I am doing this to prove to Professor Lynch that creativity is not something that should be stifled, but celebrated. So what do you say, Ferb, are you in?"

Ferb nodded and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

"Great! Now where should we build it? It's not like we can built something that big on top of our apartment building." Phineas's eyes brightened. "Or can we?"

Ferb playfully shoved Phineas to stop him from pursuing that thought.

Phineas got the hint. "Okay, how about in our old backyard? I'm sure mom and dad won't mind. In fact, they might like meeting one of my professors."

It was obvious from Ferb's expression that he was not fully convinced, so Phineas added, "I can pick up my bike while we're there. And then we can ride to and from school together every day."

Ferb agreed to that, happy that Phineas would be exercising more.

Phineas continued, "So today is Wednesday, which means we only have two more days of school to get through before our next project. I can't wait!" He looked at Ferb's shopping list. "Does that have everything we need?" Ferb nodded. "Good, now let's get the shopping over with."

* * *

The next day, Phineas decided to ask around about what Professor Lynch likes.

"I don't know, but it's definitely not any of his students," one of his calculus classmates answered.

"Nothing," said another, "Wait! Aren't you the kid from yesterday who-"

"He likes causing nervous breakdowns," replied a particularly frazzled student in his Engineering 101 class, "I had him last year, and that's why I'm retaking my entire first year of college."

Phineas was sitting in the library during his lunch break, frowning at the notes he had taken. "None of this helps me at all," he whispered to himself. Then, significantly louder, he frustratedly asked, "Doesn't anybody know something good about Professor Lynch?"

He immediately slapped his hand over his mouth as the librarian shushed him harshly. He decided that now would be a good time to leave. He mouthed "Sorry" to the librarian as he left, but she just glared at him.

As he walked towards the shade of a tree in front of the library, he heard a feminine voice from behind: "You sure know how to make friends."

Phineas turned around to see that a female student, probably a few years older that him, had followed him out of the library.

She continued, "You've ticked off two teachers, a professor and a librarian, in two days, and you don't seem to be doing it on purpose. That takes skill."

Phineas scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I didn't mean to, I'm just unlucky, I guess."

She chuckled. "You want to know about Professor Lynch, right?" Phineas nodded. "Then you can't be completely unlucky, because I think I have the information you're looking for."

For the next few minutes, she told Phineas about Professor Lynch. Lee Lynch was born on the Australian Island of Tasmania in 1947, where his family worked in a family-owned orchard. He loved learning, especially about outer space. By age 16, he had finished grade school and started working for his father full-time. However, with dwindling apple harvests all over the island, and the space race between the Americans and the Soviets in full-swing, he immigrated to the United States of America with the hope of becoming an astronaut.

He easily obtained a student visa and was accepted into the California Institute of Technology. He studied hard, learning everything he could that would make him the perfect candidate for NASA's space program. With a master's degree in mathematics and his recently-acquired citizenship, he moved to Texas and applied to NASA's training program. Against all odds, he was accepted into the training program.

After two years of hard work in the training program, he and several others waited anxiously in a poorly-lit room for their results.

In 1973, at the age of 26, Lee Lynch was rejected from NASA's space program. According to the report, he lacked any measurable hand-eye coordination.

Deeply saddened by the results, he went to a bar and got drunk for the first time in his life. He had had beer before, but he couldn't stop himself that night. In his drunken stupor, he got into a fight with another man at the bar. The man turned out to be one of the people who was accepted into NASA earlier that day.

The man was only 18 years old and was taking advantage of the fact that Texas had just lowered their drinking age earlier that year. He and Lee had never seen eye-to-eye, but that night it had reached a climax. They were both arrested, but the man was released when he explained that he was an astronaut. Lee was released a day later with a small fine.

Lee was angry. In just one day, he had gained a disdain for ambitious teenagers of which he could not let go. He swore to never get drunk again, but was never able to get rid of the disdain he now had. It grew in him as he earned a doctorate in mathematics and was full blown hatred by the time he had a doctorate in physics. He became a professor with the sole purpose of beating the dreams out of his students.

"Wow," Phineas said. He was shocked. "That's awful."

The woman nodded. "It's sad isn't it? He actually ended up getting married in 1977 and raised a family with his wife, but they are the only kids he even puts up with."

"Well that's too bad," Phineas said, "He seemed like such a nice- Wait a minute! How in the world do you know all of this?" Phineas was actually a little freaked out now.

The woman laughed. "Oops, I guess I forgot to mention my name." She held out her hand to Phineas and introduced herself, "I am Lexie Olivia Lynch, and Lee Lynch is my father."

Phineas slowly shook Lexie's hand. "You're his _daughter_?"

"Yep, and I want to help you help my dad."

"Why?"

"Honestly, I just want to hear him laugh. Not laughing _at_ people like he does now, but _with_ people, or just because he's happy. My mom, who knew him from his days at Caltech, told me that he had an infectious laugh."

Phineas was thoroughly intrigued. "Anything else?"

She thought. "My mom also said that he loved to sing."

Phineas jumped up. "Perfect!" he exclaimed, "I just got an amazing idea for Saturday. Would you like to be involved?"

"Of course!"

"Great!" Phineas quickly scribbled down two addresses and a phone number on a scrap of paper and handed it to Lexie. Pointing to each one, he explained. "Come to this address this afternoon where I'll explain my plan to you and my brother, Ferb. Bring your father to this other address at noon on Saturday, and this is my cellphone number in case you have any questions. Okay?"

She looked it over quickly. "Got it."

"I have to go to my next class now, so I'll see you later this afternoon," he said as he ran across the courtyard to his next class.

* * *

That afternoon, Phineas again rode the bus to his apartment, only to find that both Lexie and Ferb had beaten him there.

"How did you beat me here?" he asked Lexie.

"Ferb showed me a bike path that leads directly to your apartment complex," she replied, "Why don't you use it?"

Phineas looked at Ferb. "Really Ferb?" Ferb just stared at him innocently.

After an hour or so, Lexie had told the story of her father to Ferb, and Phineas had shared his plan with Ferb and Lexie.

"Sounds like a plan," Ferb said as Phineas finished speaking.

"I'm in too!" Lexie blurted.

Phineas clasped his hands together. "Awesome! Lexie, we'll see you Saturday. Ferb, let's call up Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and everyone else."

Ferb cleared his throat to get Phineas's attention.

"Fine," Phineas said, "We'll do our homework first."

* * *

**Author's Note: Review please! Or wait until the last chapter is up tomorrow morning and then review. Your choice.**


	3. Take Off!

**Author's Note: Presenting... Chapter three! It's time for Phineas to show this guy what he can do.  
**

* * *

Friday had passed without much excitement, but on Saturday morning, Phineas and Ferb had awoken early to drive back to their parents' house. Tri-state Polytechnic started a week earlier than most colleges, so, sadly, none of their friends could make it, due to it being move-in weekend for all of their respective colleges. Phineas's and Ferb's parents, however, were happy to see them.

"Not even a week, and you boys had to come back and visit, right?" their father, Lawrence Fletcher teased.

After explaining that one of Phineas's professors was coming and was expecting chicken, Phineas and Ferb went out back and began implementing the day's project.

When the delivery man came, he asked, "Are you guys okay? We were shocked on Wednesday when we didn't get any orders for a Phineas or a Ferb. Thursday was just plain scary and Friday we considered planning a memorial for you two. What happened?"

"Oh," Phineas answered, "We just started college, but don't worry. As soon as we get used to the work load, we'll start inventing again. Until then, only weekend deliveries."

The delivery man seemed slightly disappointed, but relieved at the same time. Phineas signed for the supplies and the delivery man pulled away. Then, while Ferb started on the project from memory, Phineas looked over the blueprints he had drawn up. Then something occurred to him.

"Hey, Ferb. I don't think our backyard is quite big enough for this thing. Maybe we should build it under ground and have it come out in our backyard. What do you say?" Phineas looked up to see Ferb was already using a giant drill to dig the hole.

At noon, Phineas and Ferb drove the last bolt into the spacecraft itself. They went into the house to get a tall glass of water. In the kitchen, they saw that their mom had just finished making lunch, and it smelled delicious.

At 12:30, it occurred to Phineas that he hadn't see Professor Lynch since Wednesday, given he was only scheduled to have physics on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and he was slightly concerned that he had decided to stay home, believing that what Phineas had said was too absurd to be true.

Just as he was about to call Lexie, the doorbell rang. Phineas opened the door, happy to see that both Lexie and Professor Lynch had come.

"Sorry we're late, Phineas," Lexie said, "Our car wouldn't start."

"Oh," Phineas said, "If Ferb and I had known that, we'd have come and picked you up in our newly build spacecraft."

Professor Lynch snorted. "You are persistent, Mister Flynn. I'll give you that, but let's see this supposed spacecraft." He began walking through the house.

Phineas stopped him in the kitchen. "Wait! We need to eat first."

At the table, Linda and Lawrence wanted to hear about how Phineas was doing in school.

"Well," Professor Lynch began, "I refuse to speculate now. As you may know, I only had him in class on Wednesday, the first day of school. I'll be sure to tell you both how he is doin-"

He stopped abruptly as something furry rubbed against his leg. He jumped up and took a deep breath. "My apologies, but I do not like dogs."

It was Phineas's turn to laugh. "It's okay, that's not a dog. It's our pet platypus, Perry."

Professor Lynch immediately looked down at the small green monotreme with wonder. "We had these running around our orchard when I was little. I didn't know you could have one as a pet in the US."

"Well," Phineas explained, "We found him at the OWCA animal shelter in downtown Danville."

Professor Lynch was interested. "I must visit them sometime."

After lunch, Linda and Lawrence received an automated call from their antique store about a power failure, and they had to go reset the alarm and any electronic antiques in the store.

After they left, Phineas asked Professor Lynch if he would like dessert.

"Mister Flynn, please quit stalling. I would like to put this charade to rest right now. I will give you one last chance to admit you don't have a spacecraft."

Phineas replied, "It's okay, I am going through with this. And besides, I was going to offer you ice cream made by cows on the moon. Now come outside with me."

Phineas, Ferb, Professor Lynch, and Lexie all headed outside to an empty backyard.

Professor Lynch was not impressed. "I don't see any launching rails."

Phineas politely ignored the criticism as Ferb directed them toward an elevator in the middle of the yard. Phineas smiled as Professor Lynch gasped in surprise that the elevator actually began to decent into the ground. When the elevator stopped, it opened to a moving sidewalk that ran along a huge, mile long steel rail.

Professor Lynch stuttered, "It- it's real! You weren't kidding."

They took the moving sidewalk to the start of the rail, where a sleek, silver and green spacecraft sat, ready to fly. Several floodlights were focused on the gleaming vehicle.

"How?" was all that Professor Lynch could say.

Phineas, taking the question literally, replied, "Alternating electromagnets in the rails accelerate the spacecraft to escape velocity without any propulsion from the spacecraft itself, but don't worry about deadly g-forces: the rail is actually ten miles long, but it retracts into the ground. The first mile is horizontal, the next two miles are a gentle curve upward out of our backyard, and the rest is practically vertical up to propel our spacecraft out of the atmosphere. And-"

Professor Lynch stopped him. "No, I mean how can this exist? How did you build it in only a few days?"

"Actually," Phineas corrected, "We started building it this morning. But to answer your question: all it takes is a some engineering skill, a little imagination, and a lot of ambition. Would you like to ride in it?"

Tears were almost noticeable in Professor Lynch's eyes as he said, "Of course."

Inside the spacecraft, all four of them were automatically dressed in spacesuits by robotic arms. They then sat down in the cockpit and buckled up. Phineas and Ferb ran through a pre-flight checklist and then offered Professor Lynch the opportunity to drive.

He refused. "No, there is no way I could-"

Phineas stopped him. "We modeled the controls after the one's in the Apollo capsules, which we heard you _do_ know how to drive. Plus it's mostly automated anyway."

Professor Lynch happily took the controls, which were in front of his seat the whole time. His hands shook with excitement as he started the launch sequence. The rail in front of them immediately began to extend to it's full length. After about five minutes, the spacecraft rocketed forward, covering the entire distance of the rail in a matter of seconds. After clearing the rail, its rockets fired up, propelling them all the way into space.

As the roar of the engines died down, Phineas, Ferb, and Lexie heard something that no one had heard for a long time: Professor Lynch laughing.

"Ha ha haaaaa! This. Is. AWESOME!," he yelled. Looking over at the young adults beside him, he quietly added, "What I meant to say was... Nope, that's what I meant. This is awesome Mister Flynn, thank you."

"Please," Phineas suggested, "Call me Phineas."

Professor Lynch smiled. "Call me Lee." Then he frowned and added, "But not in class."

Phineas took over the controls from his seat and told Lee to close his eyes. After several minutes, he told him to open his eyes, and what Lee saw took his breath away. The moon was taking up the entire view and getting bigger.

They landed on the moon near a barn and a large patch of grass. Phineas checked the oxygen levels and found that over the years, the grass that they had shot up there when they were kids had, in fact, made an atmosphere in that lunar crater, so they took off their spacesuits and had some moon-cow ice cream.

As they flew away from the moon, Lee commented, "That was delicious, and you have most definitely earned an A for the semester."

"Don't worry about it," Phineas said, "I didn't do this for my grade; I did it for you."

As they flew around the inner solar system at near-light speed, Lee started to hum. Jumping at the opportunity, Lexie started to hum along. Phineas pulled out a bongo from under his seat and started beating it softly. Ferb pulled out an electric guitar and began strumming lightly.

They repeated the same rhythm over and over again for a while until Lee suddenly replaced the humming with soft lyrics:

(Music starts soft, very melodious. Lexie and Phineas sing the parenthetical parts)

_I used to be mad (mad)  
About my shattered dreams_

_But I was wrong (wrong)  
To take it to extremes_

_Oh, please forgive me (me)  
For all the pain I've caused_

_There is a good man (man)  
Behind this tough facade_

(music builds. Lexie and Phineas sing harmony)

_But now that I am here,  
In this wondrous place,  
How can I keep hate in my heart  
When I've been to outer space?_

(Music builds more, speeds up. Lee motions to Ferb, who begins to play a guitar riff filled with power chords and fast strumming. Lee sings melody with harmony from Lexie and Phineas)

_We flew to moon to see some cows  
Who made the best ice cream I've ever had.  
We got there with a space shuttle  
Made by two high school grads!_

_We swung... 'round the sun!  
With unmatched swan-like grace.  
I still cannot believe this fact:  
That I've been to outer space!_

_Outer space, outer space  
It's such an amazing place!  
Who could say with a straight face,  
That they've been to outer space?_

_We stopped on an asteroid,  
The home of a milkshake bar.  
They knew Phineas and Ferb,  
The owners of it they are!_

_I now.. know the truth  
That these kids are a special case,  
And it's all thanks to them that I can say  
That I've been to outer space!_

_Outer space, outer space  
It's such an amazing place!  
Can anybody say with a straight face,  
That they've been to outer space?_

_Outer space, outer space  
It's such an amazing place!  
Who could say with a straight face?  
Can anybody say with a straight face?  
I certainly won't say with a straight face,  
That I've been to outer space!_

As Lee finished singing, Phineas announced that they would be landing in five minutes.

"Already?" Lee asked.

"Sadly," Phineas replied.

Lee sighed. "Well, in that case, thanks. For everything. You've made my childhood dream a reality, and taught me to laugh again."

Lexie butted in, "Yeah, thanks for reminding my dad how to be happy."

Phineas smiled. "You're both most welcome!"

"Oh, and Phineas?" Lee added.

"Yeah?"

"Welcome to College."

* * *

**Author's Note: Just so you know, D. T. Guthary's review helped end this story. I was originally going to have Professor Lynch end up like Thaddeus and Thor, but I realized it wouldn't be within Phineas's character just to beat this man in a battle of ideologies. Phineas's way of thinking infects those around him, and that is what needed to happen to Professor Lynch.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Now feel free to review to your heart's content.**

**P.S. I realized after listening to the fast part of Lee's song in my head, it sounds a little bit like the final song in Doctor Seuss's, _The Lorax, _especially the chorus.  
**


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